Apricity

Processed with VSCOcam with k2 preset

Winter.  It comes to us all. Regardless of climate it is indifferent, from scorching Sahara sands to those blinding blizzards of Russia, bitter cold arrives to everyone – a winter of the soul.  Often unexpected, like a sudden arctic freeze, it rushes in.  During our darkest moments of inadvertant circumstance, human hearts can cease to beat as winter arrives, creating an emotional still-life within a warm and breathing body. An unintentional hibernation from things we cannot un-see, un-hear or un-feel. It is here a treck through  frozen tundra beings, the road to healing, a search for direction in the deepest wood – a way home.  The numbing cold of solstice – it seems it will never end, within our longest night and shortest day, we wait.

We wait for apricity. The sensation of warmth from sun in winter, we’ll ache for it to the point of breaking. Once initial shock of our internal surroundings has subsided, we’ll hunker down and settle in for a time.  Then, a feeble stumble through our survival skills at starting a small fire to make it till dawn and the wait – for a Light to pierce our darkness.

I’ve taken this journey.  Sitting here, just the clicking of a keyboard in silence along-side a scalding cup of tea, it is incredibly cold outside.  Winter has fully embraced the Heartland here in Nebraska and from where I’m positioned, icicles can be seen clinging to tree branches just beyond my window.  Writing from a cozy room, I’m thinking how I miss walking in the forest. Been quite a long time. The place where nothing’s been rearranged by finite hands, senses are put back in order and things are lovely, dark and deep. When I was little I’d wait for the moment, there always was one farther in; when all sound ceased and I could almost hear the earth breathe.

apricitylightI never felt alone there, because somehow even the stillness was alive – that in itself could be terrifying and thrilling at the same time. Then the small clearing, I’d look up and the trees seemed to reach to heaven as the sunlight filtered through them. You know the forest, where there’s no path and the wind whispers for us to breathe in the wild air… There’s no app for that, no.  But there is a Way through the coldest darkness of a wounded soul and crushed spirit. 

My hope in beginning The Apricity Diary, for those who read here, was to weave the tiny steps to healing after emotional trauma into everyday life.  My wish is to create a pause of peace, a tender sigh for the broken and numb, through writing creatively from my heart  while sharing bits and pieces from my daily life and walk with Christ. Sometimes we need healing and don’t even know it.

There is nothing perfect here but Him, I’m a regular girl who’s walked through darkness and come out the other side because of little sparks of hope along the way.  They grew to a fire, to hold on through the night and at last the moment came when I felt, not just saw, the sunrise.  Warm and full of His goodness, the first ray of hope glistened through my darkness, the secret abyss in my heart.  I was never the same.  It came through daily choices to see the goodness of God, find Him in the little things.  Bits of apricity for the winter of a human soul, the gentle thaw a loving Father sent an only Son to die for – that is what you’ll find here.  Welcome to The Apricity Diary.

“God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. That light shines in the darkness, the darkness has not overcome it and in him, there is no variation or shifting shadows. I would have lost heart, unless I had believed  I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord.  Be brave and He will strengthen your heart.  Wait, I say, on the Lord!”

{I John 1:5, John 1:4-5, James 1:17, Psalm 27:13-14}

~E. W.

Creative Commons License